Graceful Living

Prof. Michael Ogunu

The Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary (6th edition) defines 'graceful' as: 1. 'Moving in a controlled, attractive way or having a smooth attractive form'; 2. 'Polite and kind in your behaviour, especially in a difficult situation.' The word connotes beauty, ease and elegance. In this article, 'graceful living' is described as life that is led at moderate pace, living every day as it comes unhurried, composed, attractive and lovable. From this description it can be inferred that the twin enemies of such a pattern of life are chronic hurrying and worrying.
We shall first examine both types of behaviour and suggest remedies as basis for the cultivation of a truly graceful life.
Sister M. Melannie Svobodia, S.N.D. in an article titled "BUSY, BUSY, BUSY," with the subtitle 'why do Christians run' published in the Catholic Digest of September 1981 observes that wherever she went, she saw people rushing; rushing to work, rushing home from work, rushing through meals, rushing into church, rushing out of church. "Why are we Christians all rushing around?" she asks.
Rushing is incompatible with graceful living - a life that is calm and collected. To break the habit of immoderate haste, Sr. Svobodia recommends that first, we must become aware of our rushing. How fast do we walk? How fast do we drive? How many times a day do we look at the clock? Once we have become aware of our hurriedness, we can take steps to rectify it. With reference to the work of salvation (perhaps with priests and religious in mind), she says that an important consideration to help us slow down is to remember that it is Jesus who saves. "Although we have been given the task of proclaiming the Good News to the world, we must never forget that, in the long run, it is Jesus who saves. We help, but it is still He who redeems. This thought should give us pause, so to speak. Salvation is not dependent upon our speed. Slowing down may actually be a virtue if it is an outgrowth of a deep humility and trust in the Lord.”
Human beings stand up well to restrainable strain. But when the pace of life quickens in the sense of trying to do too much, too quickly, and for too long, we become overstretched.
Obviously, there are times when we have to hurry. What we need to watch is the tendency to allow hurrying to become a habit until we reach a state of not being able to remember a time when we were not in a hurry.
"What is this life," wrote the poet, W H. Davies, "if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?”
Chronic hurrying can stem from a desire to be important, to increase our status in the eyes of other people. We may be trying to impress them with the fact that we are as busy, or busier than they are, and equally sought-after. We may want to show the people we know that we have so much to do, and we are in such demand, that they can count themselves fortunate to be spared a little of our valuable time.
It can also stem from our dabbling into too many things with the result that most of our free time is spent rushing about from one thing to another. In the end our health begins to suffer.
Chronic hurrying habit can be a result of personality disorder characterized as 'Type A' behaviour. A priest psychologist, James J. Gill, SJ after many years of clinical and research experiences, listed the common symptomatic behaviour of "Type A" personality. They include the following:
1. Polyphasic activity (doing several things at the same time), for example, reading a newspaper while watching television, or brushing one's teeth while showering, dressing and preparing a meal, etc.
2. Walking fast, eating fast, and quickly leaving the table after eating
3. An exaggerated need to be always on time under all circumstances
4. Difficulty in relaxing and enjoying leisure
5. Facial tautness expressing tension
6. Rapid eye blinking (over forty per minute)
7. Knee juggling or rapid, emphatic taping of fingers when sitting
8. Head nodding vigorously when he or she is speaking
9. Tense posture as if getting set for a race
10. Expiratory sighs
11. Interruption of the speech of others
12. Impatience when kept waiting for any reason
13. Irritability when encountering the driving errors of other vehicle drivers
14. Aggressive and hostile appearance of eyes and jaw
15. Harsh and unpleasant laugh
A carrier of "Type A" behaviour can be assisted to restructure his or her cognition (belief system, habit, reasoning, assumptions) and other behaviour that burden him or her with sense of chronic urgency and the proneness to be quick tempered, upset and angry over even trivial things and family experiences. How this can be done is outside the scope of this article.
Last but not least, we can get into the habit hurrying because we are too anxious to please, and too keen to avoid criticisms "I really haven't the time" we say, "but they want me to do it and I don't like to refuse." A firm line is essential. Say "No" and mean it. Busy people leading genuinely busy lives need to be firm about their leisure, rest, and relaxation. Never live only for the job. Never allow yourself to believe that work is all that matters. Have other interests, including an interest in other people, their work and well being.
Closely allied to the habit of hurrying is the habit of worrying. In his excellent book titled Towards Better Living, Sumbbye Kapena defines worry as "the introspective fear or anticipated fear of a possible danger whose nature is known. This might be a real danger that might actually occur in the future or it might be an imaginary danger that cannot possibly occur. It is an abnormal fear because it is not short and sudden but is prolonged." In the following section, some practical and effective ways of dealing with worry are recommended.
One of the most effective antidotes to worry is to have a religious outlook on life, a deep abiding faith in the providence of God. If we can take everything to God in prayer instead of trying to fight all our battles alone, we will be happier and more fulfilled.
Dr. Carl Jung, the famous psychologist said: "During the past thirty years, people from all the civilized countries of the earth have consulted me. I have treated many hundreds of patients. Among all my patients in the second half of life - that is to say, over thirty-five - there has not been one whose problem in the last resort was not that of finding a religious outlook on life. It is safe to say that every one of them fell ill because he had lost that which the living religions of every age have given to their followers, and none of them has been really healed who did not regain his religious outlook.”
William James - the father of modern psychology - wrote to his friend, Professor Thomas Davidson, saying that as the years went by he found himself "less and less able to get along without God.”
incere abandonment of ourselves to God is the only real remedy for human fear, says Henry Brenner, author of The Art of Living Joyfully.
In speaking of abandoning ourselves to God's providence there are three angles to be considered; first the angle of the past; then that of the present; finally that of the future. As for the past, we must avoid living in it; for this prevents us from living in the present and appreciating new things as they come along. As to the angle of the present, it is good to be like persons who ride on the airplane. It is true, accidents happen; but being in the care of a good pilot gives assurance. Now when it comes to God, we know that He is a pilot absolutely trustworthy, both as to His knowledge and power, as also to His intention and desire. We are in His hands, and therefore cannot suffer evil. We glide along, enjoying our ride to the utmost like little babies, worrying over nothing. As to the angle of the future, a person accustomed to abandonment or trustful surrender to divine providence avoids too great a care. This pervades his entire life. His actions
are measured and natural, not a hastening hither and thither, a knocking down this thing and that, a slamming of doors, a cyclonic upheaval. He abandons himself to the future in peace and joy, breathing each breath as it is given to him a perpetual example of the old saying, "All things come to him who wait." He is calm and collected, knowing that he is in the hands of the Divine Lover, who will take care of him, bringing him safely through life's vicissitudes to the last day of his journey, and transport him safely to the great beyond.
Another way of keeping ourselves from worrying is to get interested in helping others. A third of the people who rush to psychiatrists for help could probably cure themselves if they would only do as Margaret Yates did: get interested in helping others. Thinking of helping others will not only keep you from worrying about yourself; it will also help you to make a lot of friends. Forget yourself by becoming interested in others. Do every day a good deed that will put a smile of joy on someone's face.
Professor William Lyon Phelps offers us these five ways in which he banished worry.
1. Live with gusto and enthusiasm. "I live every day as if it were the first day I had ever seen and the last I were going to see."
2. Read an interesting look: "When I had a prolonged nervous breakdown ... I began reading ... The Life of Caryll ... and became so absorbed in reading it that I forgot my despondency" (for Christians, the Bible is most highly recommended).
3. Play games: "When I was terribly depressed, I forced myself to become physically active almost every hour of the day.”
4. Relax while you work: "I long ago learned to avoid the folly of hurry, rush, and working under tension."
5. I try to see my troubles in their proper perspective. I say to myself, "two months from now I shall not be worrying about this bad break, so why worry about it now? Why not assume now the same attitude that I will have two months from now?"